The difference between and the time and the place for Sex Coaching, sex work and somatic Coaching and bodywork, therapy
LISTEN ON YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM
Show Notes
Learn the importance of somatic work, and the integration of pleasure into everyday life. They discuss the misconceptions about sex work and the need for decriminalization. Stacie emphasizes the importance of understanding personal pleasure and offers insights into how individuals can expand their capacity for enjoyment in all aspects of life.
03:08 Founding St. Pete Retreat During a Pandemic
09:42 What Sex Coaching Really Is
18:38 The Quantum Realm and Integration
27:30 Exploring Sexuality as a Path to Personal Growth
32:57 Applying Erotic Blueprints in Real Life
40:31 Coaching, Therapy, and Entertainment: Understanding the Differences
46:52 Debunking Myths About Sex Work
Stacie Ysidro helps couples create their relationship by design, not default. Stacie is a Certified Sex Coach, acknowledged by the World Association of Sex Coaches, and a certified Erotic Blueprint Lead Coach. She is the co-owner of St Pete Retreat with husband Johnny Vajra.
Connect with Stacie Ysidro
Take the Blueprint Quiz
http://blueprintbreakthrough.ontralink.com/t?orid=47&opid=4
For couples
https://www.stpeteretreat.com/lifestyle-for-couples-florida
For singles
https://www.stpeteretreat.com/immersive-experience-options-for-singles
Ig @sexcoach_stacieysidro
@stpeteretreat
Connect with Paige Bond
Instagram: @stubbornlovepaige
Facebook: @paigebondcoaching
TikTok: @paigebondcoaching
Website: https://paigebond.com
Paige Bond specializes in helping individuals, couples, and intentionally non-monogamous partnerships feel grounded, confident, and connected in their love life. She is also the founder of Sweet Love Counseling providing therapy in CO, FL, SC, and VT. Paige loves educating people about relationships through being the host of the Stubborn Love podcast, hosting workshops, and speaking at conferences.
Free Jealousy Workbook:
http://www.paigebond.com/calm-the-chaos-jealousy-workbook-download
Free People Pleasing Workbook:
https://www.paigebond.com/people-pleasing-workbook
Attachment Dynamics Workshop:
https://www.paigebond.com/attachment-dynamics-workshop-sign-up
Disclaimer: This podcast and communication through our email are not meant to serve as professional advice or therapy. If you are in need of mental health support, you are encouraged to connect with a licensed mental health professional to receive the support needed.
Mental Health Resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.
Intro music by Coma-Media on pixabay.com
Transcript
(generated by AI - please excuse errors)
[00:00:00] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Welcome to the Stubborn Love Podcast. I'm your host Paige Bond. I'm a Gottman and attachment trained, solution focused marriage and family therapist. I specialize in helping folks design and build their dream relationships through structured therapy and resources. And also use modalities that go beyond traditional talk therapy, like accelerated resolution therapy and psychedelic assisted psychotherapy.
School didn't teach us how to be good at love, so I created the Stubborn Love podcast to help you navigate it. Every episode has actionable tips that will help you create a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life with the people you love. Join me on this journey of love and learning for the stuff they didn't teach you in relationship school.
I hope you enjoy this episode. Now let's get ready to rock and roll.
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Supper and Love. I'm super excited today. I feel like lately we've had a lot of episodes on sex, sexuality, and here is another one that will not disappoint. I have Stacie, who is a certified sex coach and is acknowledged by the World Association of Sex Coaches.
So freaking cool. We're going to be talking about erotic Blueprints probably going to be talking about all of the really cool workshops that Stacie runs with their husband in St. Pete, Florida. I'm not going to say any more. Can you just introduce yourself to listeners? Talk about who you are, what you do, and then we'll kind of go on the journey of how you even got here.
[00:01:42] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Sure. I'm Stacie Ysidro. Thanks for playing. I am a certified sex coach and I'm also a certified erotic blueprint lead coach and my husband's also an erotic blueprint coach and we founded St. Pete retreat in 2021 together. So this is where we're at in St. Petersburg, Florida. We work with people online, in person, and specialize in, yes, the erotic blueprints and anything tantra, sacred sexuality, spirituality, taboo, kink, alternative lifestyles. Different relationship styles, ways to relate, and, we operate in the quantum realm a lot. So it's an interesting journey.
Then that's where we're at here. And now we have space for people to come and stay on retreat with us. So we do some classes and open the space for community to actually do their events. Because anything within this realm, it's usually challenging to find a place to host an event, especially when you're building something.
And it's not like you have, you know, 50 people that are going to show up for something. So yeah, community and then also being able to do our work.
[00:03:07] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: You know, I'm kind of curious.
So you founded this business in 2021, which is a really crazy time that was happening in the world. So tell me what led you at that time in your life and at that time with everything going on in the world.
[00:03:24] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: So that was interesting. That was when my husband, Johnny, he sold his house and then I sold my house and then we bought this one. So I had been you know, living over more towards Apollo beach area and he was over here in St. Pete. And when we got together, we decided that this is what we wanted to do. And that just happened to be the timing of it.
[00:03:53] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: As fate would have it, as the universe would align it for you.
[00:03:56] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. And even how we got together in person and had time and space to hang out as friends. It was because of the lockdown and not being able to travel. So yeah, both of us were supposed to be traveling and it must've been the beginning of 2020 and yeah, that gave us an opportunity.
I actually was doing, we had an in person event turn online and he's like, well, yeah, you can, you can do it here. And cause he had all this, you know, tech person. He's amazing with computers. He's like this, a tech alchemist. So yeah, I was like, absolutely. You know, I like have my cell phone that's, you know, it was like broke down and stuff.
So that was really cool to do that there. And we just had time and space and then talked about, you know, Hey, what does that look like to be in a deeper relationship
[00:04:48] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: and others how to do that too.
[00:04:51] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. So many, both on our journeys. So, yeah, Divine Time.
[00:04:58] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. Can you talk a little bit about what drew you to the field of sexuality in general and what was your journey along getting there?
[00:05:09] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: So I've always been connected to sexuality. My sexuality, it was never really shamed. Growing up, my mom talked about it with me, like openly age appropriately. And I think that is because she grew up in a small town and Missouri, and they don't talk about that. You know, they're very reserved, conservative.
So yeah, she grew up in that and did not want her kids to have to have those, that same messaging and experience that she did. So she actually left and moved to Florida and then fast forward. So thanks mom for that.
[00:05:46] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Thank you, mom.
[00:05:47] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: And thanks, mom. And so that I think is a big deal. And also I realized. You know, as I was an adult that just my whole, like my mom's relationship style and everything, it was different than a traditional household.
You know, my parents got divorced when I was three and then my mom or her partner, my sister's dad was much older than her and actually had been married, but he took care of us. And he didn't live with us, but he was always like a figure in our lives and she talked to us about that. You know, this is what the situation is and we all love each other and are you okay?
And it's funny, I remember being a kid and being like, um, yeah, that's cool. Can I go play now? not know
[00:06:36] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: was not your mind as something that you cared about.
[00:06:38] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: It was just like, yeah, this person loves us and, and we love them. And then it was just what it is. And then as I got older and started hearing. Oh my gosh.
Ooh. And I'm like, really? It's like that. So that's, you know, vulnerable share upbringing. So I think that had a lot to do with it. Just not being in a very strict conservative home. And being able to accept sexuality as part of being a human being. Yeah, so it was normalized. So it didn't have to be a big deal.
[00:07:12] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. And I will, I will say with the people that I work with, and I'm sure with the people you work with, that's usually not the case where sexuality is normalized, where You can explore yourself where you can explore things that are outside of what society deems as normal. I know you talked about like we're really into taboo and getting really creative in exploring that side of yourself.
So how was that for you navigating the world? I don't know what it was like like as you like really came into your sexuality. But was it almost like, Oh my gosh, like I feel like, way ahead of the curve. Did it almost feel like you had to teach others even that like you were connecting with almost not to say like, Oh, I'm so advanced because it's been so normal.
[00:07:59] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: I never felt like a hierarchy around sex and other people. And so that never was really a thing and it didn't have to be a main focus. So it, it just, I don't know, I, I'd never really thought about it like that. You know, I always enjoyed sex. So I think that really, when I did my business life coaching certification with IPEC, it was like 2008 or nine and they're like, you know, find your niche.
And I was working in the salon. You know, I'm a cosmetologist. So, and I'm a professional belly dancer for over 25 years. So it's just everything about me. And I've always been into metaphysical things, a cult. I went to astrology school for a few years. Like, so the spirituality, sexuality, they were just themes in my life.
And in your body, that's what it, I'm a sex coach. And then they're like, okay, great. That wasn't one of our options, but yes, you are. And then that led on that whole journey of, okay, well, great. Well, what is the sex coach? What is that? What do they do? What does this mean? And, you know, for me, it was like, look, everybody is like having a lot of issues with this and I feel pretty good.
You know, I'm on my own journey and go through my own stuff too. And I know I'm not alone in that. So if that's a superpower of mine to be able to talk about it and hold that space, then sure, I'll lean into that, you know, that seems like a rare find, you know, let me help other people with this. So that's how I kind of, you know, turned into the whole sex coaching.
And then it was Dr. Patty Britton, then multiple mentors and schools and certifications and
[00:09:40] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: all things to get all the knowledge.
Can you go in depth and talk a little bit about what. a sex coach is, what a sex coach does.
[00:09:49] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yes. So sex coaching, essentially, we deal a lot with people's attitudes, ideas, beliefs.
What do we do? What do we not do around sex and relationships and sexuality? And coaching is focusing on, you know, Hey, what's going on now? Assessing the situation. So we acknowledge the past. We could even do a little clean up there, you know, regrounding and really our big deal is what do you want and how do we get there?
So this is where we're at now and then this is what you want. A lot of times it's a matter of figuring out what you want. That's a big deal. And then it's allowing ourselves to receive that or create that in our lives. So, and people are on all different parts of their journey. So really it's about meeting people where they're at.
And I feel like there's a good fit for everyone. There's so many people out there. And you know, the difference between the coaching and therapy is that therapy is the diagnose and treat and there's something wrong with you, we're going to fix and it's more past focused, getting you into the present, to be present here now.
So I do refer out for stuff like that, or I've worked with people in conjunction that see therapists and on other things. So
[00:11:08] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: yeah. And I love how you describe the differences because I think it can sometimes get confusing, especially if someone's never gone to someone for help. Therapy or coaching. It's like, okay, so what is the difference and I love how one like with coaching I think it's such a really good experience for clients because I feel like sometimes in therapy we get so Hyper focused on the past that it's like almost like we can't move on into the future So like you're such a good like resource for clients to Propel them forward to where they're wanting it to go rather than focusing on like Symptom management or where they're at.
You have like a plan, right?
[00:11:50] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: We create ones together and I call it when you're done talking about talking about it, you know, have you ever felt like that though? That all you're doing is talking about talking about something and then nothing is actually happening.
[00:12:03] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah.
[00:12:03] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: And so, okay, great. Sometimes I do just want to talk about talking about it and that's good.
And then there's times where I'm done with that. And I actually would like to You know, move forward or experience something different. And I think that that's where also the coaching gets a little more freedom because you can go into somatic body based coaching and whether that includes touch on a client or not, it's still body based.
So it's about tuning into our own bodies. And what if we took away the label of anxiety and the label of ADHD and the label of what if it was. Not labeled that way. And it was simply, Ooh, I'm feeling like some tension in my lower back or, you know, my brain feels like there's butterflies in it and it feels, you know, like kind of wavy and naming the sensation instead of giving it a label.
So that's what I think is kind of fun too.
[00:13:00] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah, that is so cool to hear you frame it in that way. Cause I think. One that's like a big scary part of going to therapy is getting like that label and it's like, oh my god Is this with me forever? And then it sounds like for you and your work It's just very present focus for what they're feeling in the moment And it's like you acknowledge that there's an ebb and flow to it that it's a normal human experience That it's something that's happening in your body, but not permanent.
Yeah
[00:13:31] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: returning back to the body So that's yeah somatic stuff somatic coaching So, yeah, and different coaches have different specialties and different things.
[00:13:41] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: If I can stick on the somatic part for a second, because I've seen it in my work with clients, because often something that I'll say to them is, okay, where do you feel that in your body, you know?
So where is it located? What is the sensation? And sometimes they have trouble finding the words for it. So. I'm curious if that happens for you in your work, and if so, when you come across that, how do you help them identify and put it into words?
[00:14:08] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: That's my jam. I was, I was that person, and sometimes still am.
For me, I would go through, you know, I don't feel anything. I don't know what you're talking about. You know, I don't feel anything in my body. And so then it was a matter of, okay, so there's something called nothing. And there's also something called no thing, right? Explain. Yes, yes. So if there's no thing, what if I'm just relaxed and calm?
My God. Mind blown. Or guess what? Maybe I am detaching. Because something is, you know, coming up and this is a method for me to detach and step out of my body or avoid and deflect. So I think there comes some discernment there with the person and that's by playing. You just play. Yeah. It was the invitation to, if you were going to use your imagination, what would it be?
So a lot of, even like my Tantra classes, I tell people, you know, we're just, we're going to, Acts like five year olds and be silly and make funny noises, you know, and yeah, so really that's kind of what it is. It's like, all right, if I were to not be able to use this word, or if I were to imagine that this word or image or you know, feeling is in my body, what would I think it looks like?
So you can't get it wrong. It's literally just making something up. And so, you know, Hey, do you want to play a game? Sure, I'll play a game with you. Great. Okay. Well, what color would you put that as? What color do you want it to be? And then that gives people a little more freedom to where it doesn't feel like pressure or lead to, oh actually, yeah, it's blue and it's like an ocean and oh wow this is feeling really like, you know, flowing and now that is peaceful and in flow.
Okay, great. Now we're getting somewhere. So yeah, the body and then finding words and it's just like how people learn like kinesthetic auditory visual. So I think some people naturally do get body sensations and tune in very well and they can just. tell you. And then some people it's more visual in their mind.
So that's kind of also how I think about it and learning style. So I don't give anybody a hard time. I'm asking them to how is this appearing for you? Because it could be a thought, image, body sensation, emotion.
[00:16:45] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah, it sounds like it's very creative. You get to use your imagination to tune into your own inner world, which is so freaking cool.
I mean, even just us talking about somatic work right now, I think about my training in grad school to become a therapist. No one mentioned anything about bodies and feelings and sensations and somatic work. It's only now, within the past year or two, that that seems like it's an up and coming thing in the therapy world.
And I'm curious, with your training as a coach, why do you think maybe the therapy world's kind of behind the needle on that, where you guys have been there?
[00:17:29] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: What? I mean, for me, I think there's a time and a place for therapy and medicalization, absolutely. And that should not be discounted and that should not be the only answer.
And I think they're focusing in on the mind and the thinking part. And a lot of what Is done is dissecting people apart and we're treating each part differently, like they're separate when really they're all intertwined. And so that's where I feel like, yeah, we're missing a mark because those professions aren't allowed to play together, right?
Like if therapist and massage therapist talked, whoa, what a conversation they may have, you know? Massage therapists can't talk to you about certain things. They can't touch you in certain places. Therapists can't touch you. They're not even supposed to give you a damn hug. Right, you know, and that's all you want.
And so, yeah, it's, it's interesting. And that also, yeah, it has to do with just our, you know, culture, society, religious backgrounds and fear and misinformation around a lot of this stuff.
[00:18:38] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: To put us on a different track here, because I want to go back to it, and it's still on my mind, you, at the beginning, when you were doing your introduction, you talked about how you do a lot of work in the quantum realm.
Mm. Can you explain what the fuck that is?
[00:18:55] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Nope, because if I could, then I probably wouldn't know anything at all. For me, what that really means is that we were in a 3D world, right? And we operate here quite often, and there's more dimensions than that. There's more places than that that exist. And so when we limit ourselves to only a certain amount or a certain space, then we're limiting our capacity to fully be.
Whatever that is fully expressed, it just be being, and we exist in all of these different fields, if you will, and I'm not going to nerd out on science because that's a lot of words. And other people went to school for that. So look up Joe Dispenza. He's doing some great science stuff. It's actually 1 thing I love about this day and time and space is All of these interesting things that have been around for thousands and thousands of years, the meditation, even out of body experiences, different dimensions, shape shifting, wormholes, all these really out, far out interesting things, the disillusion of time and space, essentially, science is now being able to you know, Track it and prove it and say, Oh, wow, look, this is what's happening when someone's in that meditative state.
And so I think that's kind of cool, but yeah, go into some Joe Dispenza stuff and we get metaphysical, we get a little metaphysical, spiritual, religious.
[00:20:27] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: It reminds me, I don't know if you've seen these movies, but one comes to mind is Soul from Disney. And then also Everything Everywhere All at Once, where it does talk about all of those dimensions.
Have you seen that one?
[00:20:42] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: No.
[00:20:43] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Oh my gosh, you'll have to go watch that after this now. It sort of talks about just like, there's more than what you're experiencing in the right here, right now reality. And I can't even use words to describe it. It's more like an experience.
[00:20:58] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. And for me, what all that, you know, really far out stuff means to me is that, Oh, wait a minute.
You mean I actually do have a choice. You mean, I do get to participate in how my life is. You mean I'm not a victim to the, you know, what's happening to me around me and I can't do any. That's not a thing anymore. So that's kind of, I like to land the plane, you know, what's the point of having all these big oneness experiences if it's not applicable into your daily life and it's not integrated.
So what does that look like? You know, landing the plane, let's tune into that sooner than later, come back sooner than later and expand our capacity for love.
[00:21:45] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Can you talk a little bit more about that? some examples of how people would integrate that?
[00:21:53] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah, it's an individual journey for each person. What we focus on really integration. It's creating time, like to do nothing or do something creative.
You get lost in like if you like art or running or riding a bike or I like exercise or dance, do something where you get to enter that no time, no space zone and just see what appears. Lately, I'm out in the yard and the garden all the time. You know, Hatchet Stacy, Landscape Stacy. So that's how, because when we have that time to let our brains and, you know, bodies flow, all of that stuff, it starts to connect in different ways.
And so, yeah, you might. Find synchronicities appearing or certain like knowings and messages like, Oh wow, you know what? I was thinking about this so hard and I made the pros and cons list and dah, dah, dah, dah, and all, and I don't know what to do. And you go out and do something creative that has nothing to do with it.
And then all of a sudden I know exactly what to do. You know,
[00:22:57] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: yeah, you'll have to watch that Disney movie because it's exactly what you're describing. They call it the flow in the, it's in where you need to be. It's like nothing else is around you, but you're getting to experience that fulfillment.
[00:23:14] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Right.
And then, yeah, and we're still in 3d world. So I think a lot of times too, I've even experienced it being kind of like, so almost far out. Yeah. Cool. That it's hard to be in the physical world. Like, how are you running? How am I running my business? How am I getting clients? You know? Okay. Well, what effects would you like to have?
Whatever effects that's going to have, because that's what it's going to be. And it's not up to me. It's up to you. So it's like this weird ass cosmic joke, right? Okay. Now what is it? And so, yeah, going through a process of, all right, what is that? What does that look like? What is appearing and getting more information.
So yeah, there's like ends of the spectrum there. And then I think there's like the art of living and operating like within multi realms, multi dimensions.
[00:24:06] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah, I love this. I didn't know this is where we would go today, but I'm so Glad.
I hope you're enjoying this episode. I want to take a moment to invite you to sign up for my free attachment dynamics workshop.
We have partners use this as a foundation before we get started in relationship therapy. By watching this, you'll learn how to recognize negative communication patterns, understand how power dynamics show up in conflict, and And, most importantly, discover ways to turn conflict into opportunities for deeper emotional connection.
And the best part, this is free for you. Make sure to head to paigebond.Com or hit the link in the show notes to access it for free. Now let's get back to the episode.
[00:24:53] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: I mean regardless of like whatever Religious beliefs. I mean for me if it almost kind of takes a little bit of weight off and is empowering at the same time Because it gives me an element of being held by something something Whatever.
I want to call it or not. Call it energy universe God goddess, you know Source. So great. I don't have to know everything. What I do have to know and pay attention to is me. I have to listen. And so when I listen and I, and I act and then I can make a choice. And even when I think I'm not choosing, I still am.
And even if I, oh, this is the only choice. That's a lie too. We have choices. We're just choosing the one that most familiar, the least pain or the whatever reason, what our priority is. That's what we're choosing. And sometimes the priorities don't match up with the choice or vice versa. So that's where the inquiry is.
Well, maybe that isn't the priority. Well, maybe that's not what it means. So meaning, meaning making. Yeah. Taking the pressure off by realizing, Hey, it's really whatever meaning I'm giving it. So if I'm giving this an awful meaning right now and it's making me feel terrible, then what's another perspective that I could see this from and is that make me feel better?
Is that something I could lean into? You know? So again, the choice.
[00:26:20] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: I freaking love this because your work doesn't only encompass the, the sexuality part. It's like all these other aspects of self outside of that, like that sounds like really in depth healing work that you do.
[00:26:35] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. That's why I say it's like quantum because think about it.
How many people out there have gone to business classes? Personal finance. How about anything within your realm of day to day life? Leadership and management, all of these things, but nobody ever did anything about the sexuality piece. And guess what? It's the same thing just applied to sex, you know? And so when you start from sexuality, all that other stuff just happens, right?
Because yeah, I can learn how to say no in a boardroom, but maybe I don't know how to say no to something in the bedroom. You know, but when I can say no to something in the bedroom, that's like my most vulnerable space and relationship. And like, that's really, really powerful. So now when I go out into the world, whatever, as my daughter says, stop playing.
Yes, I can. I can say yes. I can say no. And I know what that feels like in my body and I'm not waffling. You know, and then if I am, that's great because now there's more information, more inquiry. So yeah, sexuality is like a hack into all of the personal growth, spiritual growth, development. It's like the last frontier that most people will, will dive into.
And if you're like me, it's the first one and it is, it's totally a hack. That's why I love it. It extrapolates out into the rest of your life. Yeah, we had a couple here on retreat for seven days recently was their 29 year anniversary And we're like, you know a few days in and they're all like, well, wow, you know We've done all this other stuff and all this other massive shifts and changes and things and you know we've only done like this much stuff about sex and I'm like Well, yeah, because this stuff needed to happen first and then there, you know, sexual renaissance, relationship renaissance, and, you know, still going.
So it is interesting how it's like sex is on the door and then you walk in and you're like, well, actually it's because, you know. Tools, techniques. Yeah, absolutely. I got that down all day, every day in my sleep and that's not going to help you. It's not going to help you because you do the wrong technique on the wrong person and now, you know, maybe there's cleanup.
[00:28:53] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. Damage control..
[00:28:55] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Or just was like, nah. Not that great.
[00:28:57] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: So thinking about your work in Doing the erotic blueprints. How did you get to that stage? And then let's open up the conversation: What the heck are erotic blueprints and can you go in depth talking about?
[00:29:14] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Sure. So the erotic blueprints are created by Jaya, one of my mentors, and I started following her and watching all of her stuff when I first started my journey and the sex coaching world.
I think it was 2008. Nine. And so I, yeah, I followed, followed, got books and DVDs, all the things, and then she came out with the erotic blueprints.
And the blueprints essentially are, there's five different ways that we experience arousal and pleasure. And so you could think about it like the five love languages, but for sex.
in your body. And most people have really only learned or know like one or two. So one of them is the sexual blueprint, which is what most of us think, you know, penetration, nudity, things in holes and orgasms for everyone. And then what? It's just like water, right? It's, it's just a part of life, sexual blueprint, like very American culture.
And then, you know, That's great in a nice time, but what happens when that's boring, or that you want something else or different, or that just isn't working anymore, right? So then, okay, well, sensual blueprint, some people know, because you think senses, like romance, like flowers, and candles, and the dinners, so it's anything like that.
The senses, the smell, taste, textures, fabrics, music, all of the senses, senses enlivens. And some people know about that. And then some people are like, well, that's great. And I feel a lot better when you're over there. And we're like eye gazing across the room and we are like souls merge and, you know, become one in the universe, all these things.
Right. And a sexual be like, what are you talking about? You know, and a sensual would be like, Oh my God, that happens when I eat this or when I smell this and where I'm going is energetic. It's that tantra realms we find transformational tantra. It's a space between it's the, the longing, the buildup, the anticipation, the going to touch me, but they haven't touched me yet.
And it's like, Ooh, yeah. So that's, you know, energy exchange. You can get light, dark. That one's fun. So that's one another one to explore. And then there's kinky, which really is anything that's taboo to you in general, in real life. So it could be something as, as far as like, we have sex with the lights off and that's what we do.
And now we're turning them on. This is kind of crazy. You know, it's vulnerable. I'm going to be seen, or this is just different. And so that could be edgy for people and edgy could be all right. Well, I saw a This lady get needles stuck through the back of her skin. And then when they pulled them out, then that could be fascinating.
And maybe that's something cool that you want to watch or you want to try, or I don't know. Kink is an endless realm. So endless. Yeah. And it can be psychological, which it is like, you know, sometimes the idea of, or the taboo of, or the polarity play good, bad, right, wrong. And then sometimes it is the sensations.
Where we get impact play and things like that, and then the shapeshifters, the fifth one. And that's like, if you're the person listening to this, it's like, how about all of the above?
[00:32:42] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: All of the above. I can't choose.
[00:32:44] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: All of the above.
[00:32:45] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. Then
[00:32:46] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: that's shapeshifter. So they all have super powers and shadows.
So that's it's like a language that we're using to start to understand how we experience arousal and pleasure
[00:32:57] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: and so This is basically educating the people you're working with on how to discover what works for them Sexually.
[00:33:06] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. Yeah. I love this as the teaching tool because we do have an eight module course that's put together and a Whole entire private social media network.
It's on the mighty network. So it's completely separate than all of this other stuff. And it's only for people that are taking the blueprint things. We do monthly calls with our community, like five monthly calls, a lifetime of. Additional resources on the mighty networks. Like it's kind of insane. So yeah, you could totally take the quiz, do the course if you want, or get some of the mini courses and just hang out.
You could get Jaya's book and read it about the blueprints. That's super fun and working with a coach, you know, okay, great. I actually want to go deeper into this and learn the body stuff. And I do want to heal the shadows and expand and actually incorporate this into my life. Because it's what we're doing is a lot of times people's capacity for pleasure is here because we're always so worked up about.
What's you know the opposite? So as we start to expand our understanding and capacity for pleasure then more of life is pleasurable or has the opportunity to be pleasurable and that doesn't have to be a sexual blueprint pleasurable. So again, it's an expansion of so in Tantra we believe orgasmic energy.
It's the life force energy that flows through us and makes us alive. So it's ever present, it's always there, and we just experience it at different intensities and at different times in different ways. So absolutely, the sexual orgasmic energy, hell, that's how we procreate. You literally make more people, you know, that's crazy.
And also, There is that energetic thing, or when you're with family or a child and you do, you know, you're in the moment and you're playing and you're taking care, you know, you're painting or listening to music, whatever that is for you. That's orgasmic energy. It's just showing up differently. And so, yeah, working with a coach, you really get to dive into that and personalize your journey.
And we do a lot of the somatic exploration where, yes, the quiz is what our mind thinks, but now we go through and teach you how to start to test different things on the body. And how do you create an experience that's different and creative? You know, we've got, it's essentially, it's like frames and prompts that help you stay in the body and explore with, yeah, more pleasure.
And people get like, Oh no, is it, does it have to be like, so like a frame? No, it doesn't. And you have to learn that first though. So a lot of this is new languaging. You know, instead of, Oh my God, get off me that, you know, that hurts. It's wow. I really love your enthusiasm and I'm feeling a lot of pressure on my right side.
So could you like, you know, step back just a little bit. Oh, okay. Great. That feels a lot better. Thanks.
[00:36:12] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Whoa. Yeah.
[00:36:17] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: And that's why it's a practice, not a perfect.
[00:36:20] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Because,
[00:36:21] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: you know, we're humans and that's why it's great to work with someone over time because we practice and then we come up with new things, obstacles and ways.
And so, yeah, getting that continued support is really cool.
[00:36:35] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Sounds like you're essentially teaching a new language so that people can understand like their own inner world so they can communicate it to others around them. I can't believe the difference of the like. No, get off me. Versus, Oh my God, I love your enthusiasm.
Like, I hear it as a compliment sandwich. Like, I love your enthusiasm. And I noticed this thing within me. Can you help me and assist me by doing this thing? Jump
[00:37:03] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: in.
[00:37:05] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Right. Shift it a little bit. That's such a different experience when you hear those two variations.
[00:37:11] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. And if you want to explore that technique, it's the Sew Method by Julia B.
Caldwell, the Relationship Skills Workbook. And it is, it's naming the sensation. And then the emotion and how it makes me feel and then what do I actually want here? So we're taking a lot of these like non violent communication techniques and applying them to sex. So yeah, a lot of times it's, this is stuff that we just haven't had the permission, time or space or opportunity to actually explore and find the words for.
So, A lot of times that can be it too, is just having the space to get it out and find the words and then have it reflected back to you and be like, Oh my gosh, I'm not crazy. You know, I'm, I do make sense. Someone does understand me, you know, I'm not alone in this because we don't believe anyone's broken, you know, we're just different and we want different things at different times.
And so, yeah, how can we flow with ebb and flow, like you said.
[00:38:13] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: That's exactly what I pictured. I was like, you know, you know, at one time we're just flowing this one way, but another time we might be flexible on this other side.
[00:38:22] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah, and with more grace and ease, because I feel like right now everyone, we're in this time and space where everyone's like wearing their trauma or troubles like a badge or their busyness as a badge.
And I'm like, that's not a badge. You know, it doesn't have to be that hard. And that's been a big learning for me through this work is how can this be easier and how can this be more pleasurable because the other stuff is really exhausting.
[00:38:52] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah,
[00:38:52] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: I would always ask, you know, my mentor, when does it change?
Like, when it does. When you're ready and there is something that shifts and that is different from everyone. I think there's that positive drive principle of creating that vision of hope and connecting to it energetically, seeing it, you know, to draw to it. And sometimes, yeah, we really just love pain and suffering and want to.
Fuckin dissipate us, demolish ourselves, you know, in this awful And then, you know, then maybe now we can be happy now, because we did that. So, yeah, it's our choice. And I've done both. And right now, my practice is choosing more grace and ease. Yeah. A little more consciously choosing. Direction of pleasure.
[00:39:37] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah.
[00:39:38] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Because there's enough stuff in life anyways, that's going to cause, you know, gism.
[00:39:42] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. Why not enjoy this?
[00:39:44] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. So I'm absolutely a glass half full type of person,
[00:39:50] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: most of the time. Yeah. Sometimes it's hard, but again, it's a practice.
[00:39:55] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: It is. And sometimes you do need a little doom and gloom vent.
Sometimes, I call it a little Yosemite Sam, you know, I got to go say all the cuss words. And then I'm like, okay, now I can be present, you know, or just emotional release, go scream in my hands or you know, jump up and down. So yeah, there is a time and a place for that and you know, we're choosing to be and you know, we're not blocking all that stuff and denying it.
You know, we're finding a healthy way to express and move energy that's coming up in us. So that we can be present again.
[00:40:26] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah, a good outlet. That's healthy. Mm
[00:40:30] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: hmm. Mm hmm.
[00:40:31] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: So I'm kind of curious I have a couple of questions that I want to ask you about When you're thinking about I guess the the work that you do when you think about the coaching industry the therapist industry what type of coach or therapist might be best and For what kind of person, like, when you think of, like, entertainment versus education, coaching versus therapy?
[00:40:58] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yes. Thank you. The confusion around who does what and what is, you know, what is each one for? So. I think we covered, you know, the medicalization piece, right? And the past and present. And so moving into the coaching, now there really is not a license that licenses people to touch in a sexual way, except for there is the Joseph Kramer sexological body work that is acknowledged in, I believe, California.
And I always am of the school of thought that If they want to throw you in jail for something, they're going to, they don't care if I have this piece of paper because there is so much conflation with sex work and entertainment trafficking and anything else that has anything to do with sex. So for me, big
[00:41:54] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: industry.
[00:41:55] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah. And having them conflated is not helpful because people need accurate. Information on sexual health, right? It's part of our bodies and even mental health, emotional health. So all of the sexuality, it fits into all of these spaces. And so if we are dissecting it out and saying anybody that you go to or talk to about sex with as a sex worker and is being trafficked and is not a consent, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
What? Because there's some like sex coaches, they don't touch people. Sexological body workers have very clear boundaries. It's one way touch. And there is protocols that they follow and ethics that they adhere to. And that is a, you know, there is that power dynamic of like the facilitator, you know, and the client.
So this isn't like an equal thing here, you know, which that's obviously what you're going there for. Why I'm pointing that out, because as you move more into an entertainment space, become more of that equal, there's less of that type of a power dynamic. It could be a power dynamic of I'm paying you for this service.
And so I'm receiving this service, you know, and this service is for my pleasure. So the entertainment stuff to me is, yes, I can learn something along the way. And I'm really here because I want to get off. I want to experience pleasure. And that's amazing. And I love that. And that's what different sex workers are for.
So there's a variety of sex workers and different types of adult entertainment that is completely consensual. And that is exactly what they do. And if you want to role play something, yeah, they can totally do that. And also, you know, I think that is what happens is sometimes people get wrapped up in the shame guilt stuff around experiencing pleasure and they think, Oh, well if I go to a coach and then it's not bad because they're telling me what to do and they're showing me what to do when really what they want is just to jerk off in front of someone, which is still fine.
There's people that do that. Unless the coach specifically says like masturbation coaching, I would first ask what does that mean to that coach, right? Because if we're going over here because we really just want more pleasure, then that may not be the best person, you know. You may want to do more entertainment venue, but if there's something else around, you know, not knowing how to, you know, touch yourself or you've never done that before, there's all different reasons that you could do that type of coaching, but not all coaches do it.
And not all coaches do body work. And so when you do go into like a coaching somatic experience, it usually is that one way touch. So that's the space that I've, you know, stepped into the past few years is being in that space. And it's very different than like a girlfriend type experience or even some Tantra and being full service to where you go into sacred union.
Things like that, kind of knowing, being honest with yourself about what it is that you're really looking for, I think is the big deal and with no shame and blame, you know, there's no shame in wanting to experience pleasure and there's people that willingly do this for a living and they're really fucking good at it.
I know cause I was one of them and you know, there's also more coaching stuff that's going to be in a different vibe. And so knowing your intention and what you really want to get out of that experience, being honest with yourself, honest with that practitioner and asking the questions, you know?
[00:45:48] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. I really love, it's important to ask the questions.
It's important to know what your intention is, know what your focus is. What do you want to get out of this kind of experience? And then from what you're saying, that's going to help, you know, okay, do I need a sex coach? Do I need body work? Do I want to go more towards the entertainment route and more pleasure and balance the dynamics?
Thank you so much for like going in there. Really discerning between those. I think that's really important
[00:46:20] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: because there is a lot of pleasure even in the healing work and even in the sexological body work realm and the tantra realm. So it is. It's about that intention.
[00:46:33] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. What do you think the public general knowledge, which I think you and I can probably agree it's not usually very well educated because I think society we kind of like just turn things one way and that's just what the knowledge everybody goes off of.
Unless they do more research.
But what do you think the general knowledge that people have in the public when it comes to sex work? What is a myth? What is off? What is like misunderstood about the sex work industry?
[00:47:07] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Thank you. Again, I'll go back to the, the trafficking, the consensual versus non consensual because the way they worded the SESTA FOSTA, it doesn't really discern between people that are consensually working and not consensually working.
And I think that our society conflates sex trafficking with trafficking in general. And there are so many more industries and people that are trafficked besides within sexuality. And so when thinking about sex workers, we're going with the, that says nothing for us, without us. Their name, it was in the gay rights movement.
Someone said it, or trans, there was a figure, a leader. Someone that's listening to this put it in the comment, but that became one of the sayings around, and, and the LGBTQT all of that, is also very intertwined with sex work, right? So our rights are very intertwined, which is interesting. So yeah, we're rolling with that, nothing with us, like without us, nothing for us without us, and there was Literally, a statement recently published that was just very disturbing.
It was saying, you know, sex work, they limited it to women specifically. It's not just women, it's not only, you know, gay or trans, it's people that you wouldn't even think. I mean, in this day and age of OnlyFans, give me a break. You know, that's sex work too. So anything within that realm and people absolutely can consent to it.
And sex work is work. That's a lot of emotional labor. It's also physical labor. There's a lot that goes into it and it is running a business. And so I think that. Acknowledging sex work as work and making a discernment between consensual and non consensual sex work is huge and I'm a decriminalized person because that, you know, is less government hand in your business.
For me, in my opinion. So yeah, for me, it's like, look, if this is consensual between consenting adults and that's between them. And I think that's a big deal. It's a big deal to remember.
[00:49:30] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. Why would we have? I mean, we can go off on a whole nother tangent on this, but why would we want to have it? the government say anything about our bodies and what we do with them and how we can or cannot have pleasure and by what means that is obtained with that caveat that it's consensual.
Let us be right. Yeah.
[00:49:54] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: It's a big theme right now, you know, autonomy over our own bodies, even, you know, with They're trying to pass that age verification thing. Like you can't age verify on a computer. It's just kind of you can check a box and you know, but there's some things that are not realistic. So when we start educating people, then all of a sudden the taboo goes away.
And now we don't have to force people into work they don't want to do because people that want to do it are saying like, Hey, I'll do this. And so now we're shining a light on the shadow. And so less harm is usually done when we shine light in the places that are unseen, you know. And so I think that there's, when we educate people, then they're at more choice, and it's less of a big deal and a taboo, and there's less charge, so there's less extremes when people stay in.
[00:50:53] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yeah. Well, I think you hit something on the nail right there, like, if we could just normalize shit. And not let taboo be taboo and let people just do what they want with their bodies in a consensual manner, like, come on, world peace, we're almost there.
[00:51:11] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yeah, and it is, it's different for each person, you know, what feels good in their body and that should be up to them.
And it is, our bodies are wired for pleasure and we really can program. our bodies. It's like a computer. So we can wire ourselves for deeper and more and different kinds of pleasure. Just like we wire and unwire our different habits and things like that.
[00:51:38] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: You're going to have to touch on that in a future episode, please.
Cause oh my gosh.
[00:51:43] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Wire your body, rewire your body for pleasure. Let's be pleasure informed.
[00:51:50] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Mm hmm. I don't think we are, and that's the issue, right? We're so focused on stress and how to manage stress, but we forget over here the possibility of pleasure.
[00:52:03] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Because our human bodies, our brains are wired to find what's wrong to keep us safe.
So we say, good job, brain. Now you can rest. I'm going to try something different. So yeah, it is, it's a reprogramming and that's why we say it's, it's coming back sooner than later. Remembering,
[00:52:22] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: you know,
[00:52:22] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: yeah, remembering sooner than later.
[00:52:25] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: I'm gonna need a deep breath. Yeah, deep breath.
We've talked about so much in this episode, and I'm so happy.
I'm so thankful. You were so knowledgeable on this. I'm so excited about what you do and and all of your work. I mean, we do have to wrap the episode up for now, and hopefully we'll have you back on a future one. But for the time being, is there anything in particular just from today's conversation that you want to leave listeners with?
[00:52:57] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Yes, it's our always our big deal message is that you're not broken and there is nothing wrong with you And you are love and you can have love and be love more of love and you're deserving of that Your bodies are wired for pleasure.
[00:53:13] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Yes, so
[00:53:14] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: beautiful.
[00:53:15] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: Well, please Tell the listeners what you have going on, what you're doing.
I know you have so much coming up. You just have so many events and tell them where to find you as well.
[00:53:26] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: So StPeteRetreat.Com is our website. Johnny and I, our retreat space where we do events and classes workshops and allow other people to do their stuff too. So st pete retreat.com, and if there is anyone listening to this that something's come up for them and they do have a question about, you know, check out that website.
And you can always schedule a complimentary 15 minute call if there's some. Questions that are basic you want answered. So that's always something to, but StPeteRetreat.Com
[00:54:04] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: yes. And I'll make sure I have that in the show notes for people and then they can take the blueprint quiz. Find out what you are or if you're all of them.
Well, thank you so much again for today, for your time, for your knowledge expertise. I appreciate you.
[00:54:21] Stacie Ysidro, Certified Sex Coach: Thank you. Mucho gusto.
[00:54:24] Paige Bond, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist: All right, listeners, catch you on the next episode.
And that's a wrap for today's episode of Stubborn Love. I hope you gathered some wisdom to bring into your love life and improve your relationships.
If you enjoyed today's chat, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. That'll help this episode reach even more listeners. If you have any questions or stories you would like me to cover in the future episodes, drop me a message. I love hearing from you. If you need extra support in your relationships, check out how we might be able to work together by popping on my website at paigebond.Com. Until next time, don't let being stubborn keep you from secure love. Catch you in the next episode.
